My fellow citizens of the U.S. of A, raise your hand if you're tired of hearing racist anti-Semites preach anti-American rhetoric to their congregation (raises hand). If you just raised your hand, then I salute you, for you have managed to avoid the terrible, injurious condition known as the "Obamasm." Those who are, unfortunately, diagnosed with this almost inevitable illness, have yet to express any concern regarding Reverend Jeremiah Wright's execrable lashing against the very nation that protects this man's right to spout this filth. Honestly, I could never conceive of an American citizen who loathed this nation more than Hamas, but I learn new things every day. I must admit, I am still astonished as to why some attempt to remain on the defense of the Reverend, accusing his aggressors of taking his quotes "out of context." Fortunately, the media, mainly the conservative media (That exists?), is holding on to this story as firmly as Bill Clinton's grope of Kathleen Willey (Wow!). If any of you are unaware of Mr. Wright's recent tangent, allow me to enlighten you, but be careful, because after hearing this, you might feel compelled to pick up an AK-47, put a towel on your head, and run to Michael Moore's house for a barbeque (No pork, extra jihad, please!).
The Reverend's shining moment arrived when he yelped "Not God bless America, God d*** America, 'das in da Bible for killing innocent people!" Really Reverend? That's in the Bible? Oh, I see, that statement can be found right next to the line where it says "Don't forget! L. Ron Hubbard is coming back from outer space, soon!" The Reverend then went on to say America treats its citizens less than human (!), whites purposely infected blacks with syphilis, and he compared the United States to al Qaeda. He then continued his diatribe by identifying America as the U.S. of KKK A, and called our military an arrogant, racist superpower. Well, he got the "superpower" part right (Hurrah!).
It is quite amazing to see how Mr. Wright regaled his audience much like Teddy Kennedy does at the Grand Opening of the local Sizzler. I can only HOPE (ironic word choice) that this recent unmasking of The Obama's main inspiration for the last twenty years will have detrimental effects to his campaign run, but this "hope" is as useful as an endorsement by Sam Brownback. To save face and defend his pastor's pernicious behavior, The Obama delivered a speech surrounding the issue of "race" in America. In this speech, you did not hear Obama condemn the endorsement he received from Louis Farrakhan, a racist anti-Semite who referred to whites as "blue-eyed devils" and Jews as "bloodsuckers." You did not hear him denounce Reverend Wright's praising of Louis Farrakhan when he said he "epitomized greatness." Instead, you heard him compare Reverend Wright's invective to his white grandmother's fear of large, African-American males. You heard him admit hearing, while in attendance at his church, controversial comments made by Reverend Wright, despite previously declaring he was never present during these moments of hateful "firestorms." I have news for you, Mr. Osa--I mean Obama, how dare you identify this man as your mentor and inspiration for your book, "The Audacity of Hype," I mean "Hope." How dare you, the Agent of Change, attempt to equate the behavior of your pastor to that of your white grandmother, the woman who loved you, raised you, and sacrificed her time and effort for YOUR betterment.
Okay, we need to deviate from all this talk of anti-Semitism because the Israel Defense Forces might mistake me for being a spy for Hezbollah and proceed with vicious "countermeasures," if you know what I mean. If you don't, just ask the Palestinian militants what I'm talking about (Hehe). Forgive me for writing yet another column concerning The Obama, but I felt the Reverend's remarks were worthy of my scathing commentary. Leave my words with this in mind: You live in the greatest nation in the world. You live in a nation that serves as the beacon of liberty for all mankind. You live in a nation that has defended the weak and defeated the strong. Above all, you live in a nation that lets you wake up every morning with the freedom to make a difference in this world. You have the opportunities to seek new aspirations in life, to defy the face of tyranny, and embrace Lady Liberty. Do not falter in the face of evil, but defeat it, for it has not but the slightest will to prevail over good. Freedom, my friends, is what enables this nation to achieve the impossible. Freedom is what drove this nation in its pursuit to become the worldwide superpower. Freedom is why the United States of America will remain strong, and we must celebrate this blessing which emanates from our Creator. Keep this in mind, fellow Americans, and nothing will be able to hinder you from pursuing the American Dream.